Hostel of males.

I stay in a hostel where men from everywhere share the building benefits. The dudes who stay here don’t talk much. You see, half of these men are husbands driven out of their homes by angry wives. One of the disasters of this hostel is that we have to share the bathrooms and the toilets. 

When I wake up in the morning, I usually find an assortment of Homo-male-sapiens in their funniest of positions. A dude will be brushing his teeth absent-mindedly, like he got high tasting that toothpaste of his. Then a guy will be standing just outside the door of the shit-collector, crossed-legged and tears almost running down his cheeks trying to control the ammoniac liquid banging on his erectile, yet dignified enough not to start shouting at the oblivious terminator inside.

The assortment of scents that comes through as an aftermath of fermentation of junk foods and what not, in the human body can be quite, umm…discerning. But you just can’t insert your fingers inside your nose cos it’s termed ‘impolite’. Yeah, you have to fill yourself with unorthodox signature smells from their assholes and try to remain calm. Then a standing in line to reach the water basin for some respite always yields a strange result: basin filled with yellowish ‘brushed-my-teeth’ liquid. 

The essential guide to praying.

The most common problem with praying is that God never seems to listen to our prayers. It has never happened to me that I am kneeling before God and he suddenly appears before me saying, "Peter, your prayers made me cry! Your one wish will be granted for your devotion, son. Name one!”  So, why is this happening to us? Is this something we are designed to do? Failing in prayers? I don’t think our religious fathers invented praying just for the sake of ‘fooling’ us into believing God exists.

There must be a way of convincing God! I pursued and studied some of the old archives in the Vatican library like Robert Langdon and found a mankind changing, path-breaking way of praying to God. I haven’t tried it myself, but I wanna share this with you so that you can waste your time trying it and then you can tell me if it works or not. You see, it’s still in its ‘beta’ stage.

Finding #1:
When you pray, your position matters a lot. The most common problem with us praying is that we kneel and pray. Now tell me, how many people kneel and pray? Almost everybody. If I was God and I was seeing all these humans kneeling before me, all in the same pose, I would be confused. I would be confused to choose whom to listen to. After all, I am just God, I am not God!!
So God is looking for people who have a different style of praying. Lying down on the stomach and praying is a way of satisfying God. It physically says, “God, I am so tired, please listen to my prayer!”  The next time you got to the church, eagle-spread yourself on the floor. Who cares about the onlookers?! Once your prayers are answered, you are gonna be a millionaire!