Everyone wants to have a superpower. We invented Superman, Batman and the lot just to fulfill our obsession with power. No, Matt, they aren't real! In life, however, there is no guarantee that having such superhuman powers will work in our favor, in fact, these powers may backfire and leave us moaning like LiLo for drugs.
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Flying:
Lets say you have somehow got the brains and money of Tony Stark. You have built yourself that fancy-suit. Assume that you’ve the frictionless, zero-conductivity flight suit to stop your skin from freezing off, with a nifty mask to keep bugs out of your teeth and wind resistance from squishing your eyeballs into something not even the Brits would spread on their toast. And you take-off. But..
Lets say you have somehow got the brains and money of Tony Stark. You have built yourself that fancy-suit. Assume that you’ve the frictionless, zero-conductivity flight suit to stop your skin from freezing off, with a nifty mask to keep bugs out of your teeth and wind resistance from squishing your eyeballs into something not even the Brits would spread on their toast. And you take-off. But..
…You will look too much like a cruise missile to the radar. Every radar screen ever erected in the country will be burning your ass. When you fail to respond to their radio commands (unlike the Jet, you don’t even have someone who could do that for you), you will pick up a military escort with nuclear arsenal faster than a Thai ladyboy on Friday night!
What? You will just fly under the radar? Oh yea, have fun navigating the mountains in dark or fog, or maybe God will just make you collide with another flier like you, your scattered limbs raining down on them. If people started flying around, it will be a mess. This and tequila are why we can’t have flying cars (or tequila).
Telepathy:
Know what the other’s are thinking! Access to everyone’s secrets! See which girl develops a liking of you before you buy them drinks. Yeah, telepathy would be a great secret weapon to suddenly develop.
Know what the other’s are thinking! Access to everyone’s secrets! See which girl develops a liking of you before you buy them drinks. Yeah, telepathy would be a great secret weapon to suddenly develop.
The problem is that there are too many assholes out there.
The proof lies in Youtube, Yahoo, and every comments section in every website. Frankly, we already have access to their honest opinions! Have you ever scrolled to the comments section of a video on Youtube? How many comments can you read from the demographically diverse gathering of average citizens trying to overpower each other by saying overly hateful and stupid things? And these are people who know they are posting in a public forum-imagine the horrible thoughts they are keeping to themselves! Even if you discount the unintelligible and troll, you are left with a rush of humanity at its ugliest. I can guarantee you won’t stand five minutes before you stop reading minds!
Plus, you will always be the guy who-
Finishes everyone’s sentences for them.
Exactly.
Finishes everyone’s sentences for them.
Exactly.
Power ring:
You have Green Lantern’s power ring. Making it work is simply a matter of wanting something hard enough. If you can will it into existence, there it is.
You have Green Lantern’s power ring. Making it work is simply a matter of wanting something hard enough. If you can will it into existence, there it is.
What fuels willpower? If world peace got folks paid and laid, we’d be dropping gift boxes of chocolate in the mountains of Afghanistan right now. You know what humans want the most? Their own-self-interest. To put it another way-who won the contest of wills in your head tonight? The superego who tells you to learn a foreign language, or the inner child that brought you here? See? It’s hard to be a hero when you have a pipeline to your id on your finger. Instead of zapping things you’ll be using your powers to manifest green fantasies. And at that point, it’s pretty much just a matter of time before you decide that yeah, everyone should agree with you all the time and you use your fantastical powers to turn the world into your very own, personal North Korea. Nice going, dick!
And once you realize you can use the ring to recover immediately after sex, you’ll quickly dive into a catatonic state of permanent, sustained orgasm. I’ll get back to you when I’ve thought of a reason why that is a bad thing.
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