How to: travel in a bus.

The cheapest means of transport. Apart from your legs carrying you for free. So when you step into this cheapo you need to be on your toes.

Getting one: If you are new in a city and you dunno how to say the name of the language in that language, it will be really troublesome to find the correct bus. Get going to the bus-stop early and look around at the dudes around. Don't ask the chicks cos they dunno shit. Look around for guys in specs. Don't even think of going to the big-mustache guy. Asking him for the bus number is like saying, "Oh, I am new here and you can loot me!"
Ask that lean and bespectacled guy about which bus will take you where.

Getting on-board: Buses here never stop. Seriously. They keep running even at the bus-stop. They never wait for passengers. It's like they fear if they wait a minute, the bus would be flooded with people. It's true though. So you have to run and get on-board. This needs some practice. Start training a week back. Wake up in the morning, take a skateboard with you. Roll it along your side while running. Jump on it suddenly. If you fall, you will never catch a bus. Practice makes perfect. It hurts?

Inside the bus: Here in India, getting a seat to sit on and that too, in a bus is like getting a seat in a theater without tickets! It never happens. Well, unless the guard at the door was foolish enough not to check your ticket, and you were really lucky that the guy whose seat you took forgot to come for the movie.
There are some tricks you need to follow to get a seat. If you are going from an outskirt to the main city, try locating a local who is in the local dress. Simply, somebody who is wearing something other than a pair of trousers. Like a skirt. The thing is, these guys never go to the city, They are not dressed for the city you know.
If you can't find any guy like that, catch a pole inside the bus. Believe me, you cover a lot more surface area when you stand beside the pole. Like you're 1 and 1/2 guy-size. So the probability of you getting a seat increases, see?

The ticket: The cost of the ticket should not be very much. But seeing you, the conductor may change his mind and ask you a fare which might be the cost of travelling from London to New York! And you dunno the number written on the ticket, it's local.
So observe your co-passengers. See how much they take back from the conductor. Do the same. Well, make sure you have the right destination ticket though.
And never, ever give 500 bucks for a 10 bucks ticket. You will never get back the 490! You see the conductor's job is worth less than 490 bucks so he will jump off the bus without giving you the change!

Stay alert: Getting off at the right destination is just a matter of staying alert. Go into James Bond mode. Listen to everything. Even if you don't understand the language, try taking in every word and any mention of your destination. They might be ganging up to kidnap you! They might not even drop you at your destination! Stop taking buses.

Getting off: Once you are pretty sure that you have arrived at your destination, be ready to get off rather jump down. Remember the skateboard exercise and do that in reverse. It's easy right?!

Once you get off at the bus-stop, discover you are at the wrong stop and run after the bus, "Hey, wait! Damn, I am taking the metro next time!"

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