Maybe the title should have been "How to: become Batman", but I wanted people to take it as they want to be. A 'Superhero' covers a broader domain you see. Even Shaktimaan too. Khi, khi.
Now being a Superman kinda thingy is impossible by a long shot. But we can try being Batman. And we do need some Wonder Women too. No, you can't change the costume.
Start: Well, first of all you have to be a weakling. No Superhero was a Superhero before his ass got kicked and he realized it hurt. Then he wanted to do something about it. The exception was probably Shaktimaan, who started meditating and you have to still strain your poor ass to do that. But we all know where he landed up after that. In the Parliament. Sorry, Shaktimaan!
So pick up a fight with some goons. You can pay them beforehand not to break you to pieces. Just a slap. Use ketchup for the blood on your chin. Then feel (fake) angry.
Now being a Superman kinda thingy is impossible by a long shot. But we can try being Batman. And we do need some Wonder Women too. No, you can't change the costume.
Start: Well, first of all you have to be a weakling. No Superhero was a Superhero before his ass got kicked and he realized it hurt. Then he wanted to do something about it. The exception was probably Shaktimaan, who started meditating and you have to still strain your poor ass to do that. But we all know where he landed up after that. In the Parliament. Sorry, Shaktimaan!
So pick up a fight with some goons. You can pay them beforehand not to break you to pieces. Just a slap. Use ketchup for the blood on your chin. Then feel (fake) angry.
If it's Green Lantern you are seeking, well, you need to crash a multi-million fighter jet first. Umm...better leave Green.
Aha! How about Batman? Fall into a cave. A dark one. Remember to put some cushions on the floor to break your fall. Your ass can't take so much punishment. Let the bats come to you. Feel scared. I mean, you don't need to try to feel scared, you will be. Just for the emotion. Scream.
Duties: All that said and done, remember your duties as a citizen. Yeah, even the brat across the street. You have to protect him too. Feel patriotic. Now is the time to learn the national anthem. This will need some practice.
Costume: I have never figured out how Spiderman got such a cool suit. You know, they claim he prepared it himself. Some tailor, huh? Spidey, you would earn a lot more stitching underwear!
Design your own costume. We can't handle the Batman creators calling up with complaints of copyright infringement after you are a superhero! That wouldn't be cool. So sketch up your own costume. Pink? What the hell, man!
You can't probably stitch up the whole thing on your own. I do have confidence in you, so hire a tailor each for one body part. For example let one do your pants and the other your underwear, excuse me, your "outerwear". I forgot it comes above....heheh.
Powers: Each hero has a special power. You need to figure out your own. No, you can't use your fart. Use that in emergencies. Try wrapping pebbles inside your gloves so that when you punch the bad guys, they feel more pain. Well, in this case, you will feel the pain too. But what the heck, no sacrifice, no gain, right?
Your lady: Every hero has a lady for whom he forgets his pizzas. The good thing for you is at last you can make that hot chick next door your lady love! Sigh. How desperate can you become?!
There you go! Now you can start saving people's lives. I am not responsible for busted balls though. All the best.
"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a cloud, you moron!"
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